


Light Refraction

by Xiolette (Writing_Doodle)



Series: NXAU - Nobody Xion AU [3]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AU - Xion Is A Regular Nobody, Character Study, Declarations of Protection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, POV Multiple, Post-Mission ANGST, Roxas Isn't Dumb, Sea Salt Ice Cream (Kingdom Hearts), They Feel So Much But Can't Process Any Of It :((((((, Twilight Town (Kingdom Hearts)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 15:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19948777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_Doodle/pseuds/Xiolette
Summary: "I have a surprise."Xion thought of when she looked through the mirror and saw the Neoshadow sneaking up behind Roxas. She shattered the glass and she picked up the pieces, forming them into something more portable, more convenient.She clasped her hands and felt a weight drop into them.When she unclasped her hands, three perfectly spherical crystals sat in her palms: one blue, one green, and one yellow.-A moment in three different perspectives.





	Light Refraction

**Author's Note:**

> The details of my AU where Xion is a regular Nobody can be found [here](https://xiolette.tumblr.com/tagged/nobody-xion-au).
> 
> The background is that she used to have amnesia, like Roxas, but she recently regained her memories. In regaining her memories, she realized everything she lost. Roxas is still unaware of everything _he_ lost. 
> 
> Her element is Crystal and her weapon is a Mirror or Looking Glass. Her role in the Organization is surveillance.

_-Xion-_

The light on her face was warm, but it felt empty. She remembered the feeling she used to get, sitting up here; she remembered the peace and tranquility, the warmth of the setting sun and the cold breeze of the night she knew would never arrive. She used to feel so tall, sitting up above the rest of the world.

Now she was painfully aware that she never really felt any of that in the first place. All she felt were the shadows of something much bigger. 

She glanced over at the two people sitting beside her, wrapped up in a conversation she was only half-listening to. 

_“... I just think we should at least leave some munny for the ice-cream…”_

_"... they’d notice a pile of munny left behind..."_

She only just realized how young Roxas was and she kicked herself for not noticing any sooner, even though that wasn’t fair to herself. She didn’t know. _He_ still _doesn’t_ know. 

His eyes made something twinge in her chest and throat. She forgot the name of it - she couldn’t bring to mind the object whose shadow was being cast. It was a cold feeling, though. Something like drinking ice water and feeling your throat constrict. It left a burning trail down her throat to her chest where it sat and pooled and refused to fade away. 

They were so empty. 

He was so _young._

Roxas broke from the conversation and turned those empty eyes towards Xion. He caught her looking and frowned. “Xion? You okay?” He asked, something like concern in his voice and on his face. 

She wondered at that. She knew the feelings felt real to her, back then, but they _looked_ so real on him. She couldn’t help but wonder if they looked real on her, too. 

She smiled and hid her cringe at how fake it felt. “I’m fine, Rox,” she ruffled his messy hair until it stuck up even more. “Just a bit tired from the mission.” 

“Not every day we get sent somewhere together,” Axel observed, chewing the end of his popsicle stick thoughtfully. He looked at her with a question plain in his eyes. 

Xion shook her head minutely. _Not now._

Roxas didn’t notice the exchange. “Yeah, but it made things pretty convenient.” He sat back and kicked his feet and gave them both his cheesiest grin. “No need to coordinate when we’re all together!” 

Axel rolled his eyes and fought a smile off his face. “True. Man, are you guys hard to work with, though. I thought Roxas was hard enough to keep track of, but you’re even worse, Xion!” The exasperation in his voice was expertly crafted and Xion wondered if he would’ve really felt it if he had… 

She wasn’t sure if she trusted Axel, not anymore. It was so easy to trust him, before. Before she was aware of everything. Before she got her… 

_Before._

Now she just wondered if he was what he said he was. If he wasn’t just putting on a show to keep them both occupied.

Sometimes, she believed him, though. Despite her better judgment, she believed him. 

Xion smirked and leaned over Roxas to flick Axel. “S’not my fault _my_ mission was different from yours. It was pure luck we were all sent to the same world.” 

“You could’ve waited until we were done with ours and then we could’ve followed you around while you did yours.” Roxas pouted. 

“Then it would’ve taken us all twice as long to finish everything.” Xion pointed out, feeling an empty sort of fondness as Roxas’ pout melted into a grudging understanding. “I was there when it counted.” 

She didn’t want to think of the close call. Of how close that Neoshadow was to Roxas and how Axel was too occupied by other Heartless to notice. Of how Roxas didn’t notice it lunge until it was too late and of how Xion only just barely managed to get that barrier up in time. 

She didn’t think about how she only knew he was in trouble, because her mission was to put up surveillance mirrors and he just happened to be in the vicinity of one. 

She shook herself out of her thoughts and brought herself back to the present. Axel was facing away from her, shoulders stiff and head down. Roxas looked unaware of how close he came to… 

“I’ll always be there when it counts,” Xion said, voice cracked in half, barely audible. More to herself than to anyone else. Axel turned his head back towards her, just slightly. She caught his eyes and an understanding passed between them. 

Roxas noticed a shift in the atmosphere, in how the mood drained into something more somber. He shifted uncomfortably and tried to change the topic. Axel indulged him and Xion was left with her thoughts. 

“I have a surprise.” She declared, as soon as an idea entered her head. She remembered the poster she saw by the ice cream stand and it was easy for her to pull the image out of her mind. She thought of that moment she looked through the mirror and saw the Neoshadow sneaking up behind Roxas. She thought of her mirrors and she shattered the glass. She picked up the pieces and formed them into something more portable, more convenient. 

She clasped her hands and felt a weight drop into them. Roxas and Axel looked at her, the same curious expression on both of their faces. Xion surprised herself by laughing. It was warm like the sun on her face and that was almost enough to derail her train of thought. She pushed it back for later and unclasped her hands. 

Three perfectly spherical crystals sat in her palms: one blue, one green, and one yellow.

She tossed Roxas the blue one and Axel the yellow. As soon as Axel caught it, he gave Xion a raised eyebrow. Understanding flickered across his face, but he rolled the orb between his fingers without commenting. Roxas stared in awe at the crystal in his hands. He held it out so that it would catch the light from the sunset. The red and blue mixed and refracted a with a purple flash. 

“Wow,” He breathed.

“As long as you have the crystal,” Xion promised, willing her voice to be strong and confident. “I’ll be there to bail you out when you get in trouble.” She breathed deeply and looked at Axel. “This goes for you, too, Axel. You’re also my friend.” 

Axel couldn’t hide the shock on his face fast enough. He avoided her eyes and rubbed the back of his head in something akin to embarrassment. Xion wondered if he would be blushing if he had a heart, but the idea was too foreign for her to process. He mumbled, “Yeah, sure…” And that was enough for both of them. 

Roxas threw his arms around her in a hug that nearly sent them both toppling over the ledge. “Thank you, Xi,” He said, just loud enough for the two of them. His voice shook slightly and Xion returned the hug. 

“No problem, Rox.” 

If she held him too tightly, he didn’t say anything about it. 

* * *

_-Axel-_

Axel couldn’t help but glance over at Xion as he kept Roxas occupied. She was quiet - much more than usual. 

He looked back at Roxas before the kid could realize he wasn’t paying attention and he let himself smile in a way that was more indulgent than usual. As he watched Roxas, he felt something settle deep inside him. It was heavy and sharp and it curled in the pit of his stomach. 

It brought up vague memories of his heart pounding and his hands shaking. Like coming down from an adrenaline rush, but with the addition of the weight of the world being put on his shoulders.

He understood why Xion was brooding.

“I just think we should at least leave some munny for the ice-cream,” Roxas said around the half-eaten bar in his mouth. Axel allowed him to have two today and Roxas was relishing it. 

“Leaving money would just leave more questions,” Axel countered, biting off the last of his own ice-cream. “No one would notice a bit of missing stock, but they’d notice a pile of munny left behind.” 

Roxas scrunched up his face trying to think of a counter to the counter.

Axel smiled at the expression and then wiped the smile off his face when he realized he didn’t need to think about it.

“We could put the munny in the cash register!” Roxas exclaimed suddenly, pointing his bare popsicle stick at Axel’s face with a comically smug look. 

Axel cut off a laugh and tried to play it off as a cough. “We’re supposed to be a _discrete_ operation, Rox. What’s discrete about three strangers in black clothes breaking into a register?” 

Even though his stomach was still heavy with that sharp something _,_ his chest was squeezed with a fondness stronger than anything he could remember. It left him off-centered like he was caught in the head by a punch he didn’t see. 

Roxas glared at him and shoved the popsicle stick in his hair, before turning to address Xion. 

Axel busied himself with removing the stick. He ran his fingers through his hair, broke it in half, and watched as the pieces fell down the tower. He stared at his shoes when the pieces became too small to see. 

As much as he tried, the feelings refused to go away

He used to tell himself that the best part of losing his heart was the control he gained. Now, he didn’t even have that, anymore. 

He chewed the end of his own popsicle stick and hoped that the physical sensation would distract him enough to ignore the inner turmoil. 

“ _. . . Just a bit tired from the mission._ ” 

He glanced over at Xion and noticed her smile. It was too tight on the edges and it wasn’t even close to meeting her eyes. Roxas was none the wiser but Axel could see just how deflated she looked. She was so bright before she remembered that she wasn’t supposed to be. Now, Axel could see the metaphorical dust and cobwebs starting to form around her. 

It sent another pang of something into his stomach and Axel hatednot knowing things. He ground the stick between his teeth until he could feel splinters. 

“Not every day we get sent somewhere together,” he observed, forcing himself to sound as laid back and casual as they would expect him to sound. 

At least he still had some control where it counted. 

He met Xion’s eyes and they felt so cold and broken on him. 

_How are you holding up?_ He wanted to ask, but he couldn’t. There were so many questions he wanted to ask that she couldn’t answer with Roxas right next to them. 

Predictably, she shook her head, firm and unyielding. 

Axel accepted the deflection for the moment. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about any of this, either, if he was being honest. 

Roxas, as usual, continued as if nothing occurred in those seconds between conversation. “Yeah, but it made things pretty convenient. No need to coordinate when we’re all together!” He flashed a grin at them both that was much too bright for the atmosphere clinging to them all. 

Axel wondered where the kid got it from. Couldn’t have picked it up from him or Xion, definitely. Or anyone else in their emotionally stunted group. 

Sometimes he wondered if he _did_ have some of Sora’s memories, but… 

He glanced at Xion. She proved how different Roxas would be if he got even a fraction of his memories back. 

She was looking at him, scrutinizing him. Her mouth was drawn in a thin line and Axel knew that something between them shifted. That now she knew to keep her guard up around him. He couldn’t blame her. 

“True,” Axel agreed with a shrug. He sighed dramatically and lamented, “Man, are you guys hard to work with, though. I thought Roxas was hard enough to keep track of, but you’re even worse, Xion!” It wasn’t fair, digging on Xion specifically, but the smile it brought to her face was worth it. The flick he got afterward was well deserved. 

“S’not my fault _my_ mission was different from yours. It was pure luck we were all sent to the same world.”

 _It really was._ He wanted to say, but the haunted look in Xion’s eyes told him she thought the same thing. He watched her sink more into herself as her own words echoed in her ears. 

_Pure luck._

That’s all it was. 

“You could’ve waited until we were done with ours and then we could’ve followed you around while you did yours.” 

“Then it would’ve taken us all twice as long to finish everything,” Xion replied, voice sounding as numb as she looked. Axel gripped the ledge of the clocktower a little too hard and he felt his fingers strain. “I was there when it counted,” her voice was so quiet it was like she was just assuring herself. 

Axel didn’t focus on the past. That’s a rule he followed since he died and watched everything else die with him. Focusing on the past distracts you in the present and kills you in the future. 

Still, his thoughts wandered back to just a few hours ago. It was like a hot iron - every time he tried to process it, he had to stop as his chest and stomach and throat flashed and burned. He wondered if he was sick. He wondered if he’d gotten injured without realizing it. 

He looked at Roxas and it _hurt._

He was _right there._

He was _right there_ and he _didn’t fucking notice._

He looked away and swallowed down the memories of shame that tried to flood him. He was mostly successful. 

He heard Xion say something and he felt Roxas quiet beside him. He looked back and in Xion’s eyes, he saw something smoldering. Embers a few seconds away from catching fire. It was the first spark he’d seen in her since she regained her memories. He was never more aware of how much older the two of them were than the kid between them until that moment. 

They looked into each other’s eyes and agreed to do everything they could to protect him. 

Roxas shifted uncomfortably and tugged Axel’s sleeve. “So, what if we pay someone to get the ice cream?” 

Axel laughed despite himself. “That’s somehow _even worse_ than any of your other ideas. Just accept that if you want ice-cream, you’re gonna have to steal it.”

“I have a surprise,” Xion interrupted. 

Axel and Roxas stopped their playful argument and looked at her, curious. For some reason, she laughed. It was clear and sharp like a bell and Axel’s ears rang. 

She clasped her hands together and he felt the air around her become saturated with magic. He leaned forward, interested in whatever she was planning on doing. When she unclasped her hands, three small crystals sat in her palms. Distantly, Axel recognized them from the Struggle posters he saw around town. 

She tossed Roxas the blue orb and Axel caught the yellow one. As soon as it landed in his hand, he felt a pulse of magic shoot out and mix with his own. He recognized the feeling from her mirrors - the feeling of being watched. He rose an eyebrow at Xion and rolled the orb between his fingers without saying a word. 

Roxas held the crystal out and observed the light refraction, either not noticing or not recognizing the magic. 

“As long as you have the crystal,” Xion’s voice wavered a fraction. “I’ll be there to bail you out when you get in trouble.” She looked at Axel and Axel noticed the conflict behind her face. Her eyes were grim, but she didn’t flinch away when he looked at her. “This goes for you, too, Axel,” there was a small pause, hardly noticeable. “You’re also my friend.” 

He looked away, unable to face those words head-on. He fought back the shame that tried to make itself known again and wasn’t as successful. “Yeah, sure…” he mumbled, staring at his crystal. It flashed orange in the sunset. 

He saw Roxas hug Xion in his peripheral, but he decided to let them have their moment. 

He slipped the orb in his pocket and it felt warm. Without looking at the two, he put his hand on Roxas’ head and just pressed down. He hoped that the gesture said everything he couldn’t bring himself to voice. 

Roxas pressed himself against the hand and Axel knew he understood. 

* * *

_-Roxas-_

The worst thing, Roxas thought, was that they both thought he was clueless. 

The atmosphere around the clock tower was stifling. Roxas ate his second bar of ice-cream without commenting on how weird it felt to have more than the two of them. They both insisted on it, though. They smiled at him and he put on a smile for the two of them, but it faded the second they turned away. 

It wasn’t like he was completely unaware of what happened during the mission. 

He knew what happened as soon as turned around to see a Neoshadow scratching against a barrier that wasn’t there before. He knew what happened as soon as he saw Xion out of breath with a haunted look in her eyes. He _knew_ what happened. 

He just didn’t understand why they were making such a big deal about it. 

Instead of bringing it up, Roxas started an old argument that never seemed to get boring. “I just think we should at least leave some munny for the ice-cream,” He smiled as Axel rolled his eyes. 

Axel bit off the last of his ice-cream and went along with the game. “Leaving money would just leave more questions. No one would notice a bit of missing stock, but they’d notice a pile of munny left behind.” 

Roxas made an exaggerated show of thinking hard, even though he already had his counter in mind. When Axel smiled, he fought off his own smile to keep up appearances. 

He was still acutely aware of how quiet Xion was beside him. When the silence was too tense, he moved on with the argument, “We could put the munny in the cash register!” He pointed his recently-finished ice-cream stick in Axel’s face.

Axel coughed and Roxas thought that it might’ve been a laugh if he allowed it to be.“We’re supposed to be a _discrete_ operation, Rox.” He mimed zipping his mouth shut as emphasis. “What’s discrete about three strangers in black clothes breaking into a register?”

Roxas wanted to shoot back, ‘ _What’s discrete about running around with a black cloak fighting monsters with flashy weapons in the first place?’,_ but the silence from Xion became too much to ignore. 

He jammed his ice-cream stick in Axel’s hair and turned to Xion while he was distracted. Somehow, he knew that she would already be looking at him. The empty look in her eyes made his insides squirm. 

“Xion?” He asked, as gently as he could manage. Axel already dug the stick out of his hair, but he kept out of the conversation. Roxas was glad that he was starting to understand when he was and wasn’t needed. “You okay?” He knew she wasn’t, but he didn’t know what else to ask. He just wanted her to tell him _what’s wrong_ so they could all move past this. 

Part of him knew that it wouldn’t be that simple. 

Xion’s smile was strained. “I’m fine, Rox.” He closed his eyes when she ruffled his hair and grit his teeth against it. When she stopped, he opened his eyes and patted down his hair down. “Just a bit tired from the mission.” 

Roxas tried not to frown at the lie.

He glanced at Axel when he cut in, “Not every day we get sent somewhere together,” He was gnawing at the end of his popsicle stick too harshly. Roxas could see it strain against the pressure. Axel was looking over Roxas’ shoulder and when Roxas glanced back he caught Xion shaking her head.

He wondered why they couldn’t just _say_ things. 

He pressed his mouth in a thin line before quickly flashing them both his brightest smile. He tried to get this conversation somewhere less… he didn’t know. Somewhere more comfortable. “Yeah, but it made things pretty convenient,” He noted, swinging his legs in his best impression of being carefree. “No need to coordinate when we’re all together!” 

He hated waiting for everyone to arrive at the clocktower. He hated being alone and wondering if they would even show up. 

“True,” Axel shrugged and Roxas appreciated his attempt at making things normal. He teased them both the way he usually does and Xion smiled and Roxas thought he could finally relax. 

Then Xion said, “It was pure luck we were all sent to the same world.”

Roxas couldn’t hide his wince at the double meaning and could tell by Axel stiffening up that he caught it, too. 

He sucked in a breath and put a pout on his face, trying to bring the mood back up. “You could’ve waited until we were done with ours and then we could’ve followed you around while you did yours.” He wanted to tell her that it wasn’t her fault for having another mission and that they could’ve all did something to prevent what happened.

If anything, Roxas thought, it was more _his_ fault than the other two. He was the one who wasn’t paying attention. 

Xion shook her head and brushed his words off. “Then it would’ve taken us all twice as long to finish everything,” Roxas saw the logic behind the words and he dropped his pout. Still, it was… he didn’t like how she insisted on justifying their decisions when it was clear they made a mistake. It was like she _wanted_ to blame herself.

“I was there when it counted,” 

_You were!_ Roxas wanted to yell. He wanted to _scream_ it so she and Axel would _understand._

_It’s over! It ended up perfectly fine! You made it in time and you guys should stop worrying about something that didn’t happen!_

He just didn’t _understand_ why it was such a big deal and it made him… He felt…

He couldn’t remember the word. 

He wanted to lash out, He wanted to punch a wall or break something or just _scream._ It was the same urge he got when he couldn’t get a form right, but it was worse than that because these were his _friends._

“I’ll always be there when it counts,” She sounded so _broken_ and Roxas just didn’t know what to _do_ about that. 

He felt Xion and Axel have another one of those Looks and he wished that they could just _talk to him._ Roxas frowned and shifted himself just so he wouldn’t be still as the atmosphere continued to plummet around him. The silence was unbearable, so he tugged at the edge of Axel’s sleeve, even though he’d been told countless times not too _._ Axel didn’t say anything about it and Roxas wished that he would. He didn’t have the words to voice all of that, so he picked up the argument, again. “What if we pay someone to get the ice cream?” 

He was surprised that Axel actually allowed himself to laugh. “That’s somehow _even worse_ than any of your other ideas. Just accept that if you want ice-cream, you’re gonna have to steal it.”

“You know as well as I do that there’s no way in darkness that I’m going to let this go that easily.” Roxas teased, smiling. Axel didn’t comment on how his hand still clutched his sleeve. 

“I have a surprise,” Xion declared, getting Roxas’ and Axel’s attention before the argument could get any further. 

Roxas looked at her, confused but intrigued. He couldn’t place the tone behind her words, but he knew it meant something important. 

She laughed. It was the first time he’s heard her genuinely laugh in… weeks. He wished he knew what caused it, so he could make it happen again. She clasped her hands together and Roxas felt the air change. It felt denser, somehow. Heavy with something that wasn’t there a second ago. 

She unclasped her hands and in her palms sat three crystal balls. He saw the air around them warp in the same way his Keyblades would warp the air when he summoned them. _Magic,_ he realized. _Powerful_ magic.

Xion tossed him the blue crystal and Roxas felt the magic soak into him as soon as he caught it. It didn’t him make him tense the way magic usually did. He felt like he was wrapped in a blanket.

He held the crystal out towards the sun and watched as it flashed purple in the light. “Wow,” He breathed, awed by both the beauty and the power of such a small object.

Xion looked at her lap and fidgeted with her own crystal. “As long as you have the crystal, I’ll be there to bail you out when you get in trouble.” There was something in her voice that was still brittle, but it was less than it was before. She repeated the sentiment to Axel and Axel turned away in embarrassment. 

Roxas felt the crystal in his hand pulse in agreement to the words and Roxas suddenly _knew_ what the magic was. It made his throat burn, how affected she was by what happened earlier. That she wanted to prevent it from happening again, even though she didn’t need to. 

He still didn’t understand why. He wasn’t sure if he ever would.

But he felt a little safer with the crystal in his pocket. More protected. 

He figured that there _had_ to be more to friendship than just willingly being near someone and something told him that this was it. 

He hugged Xion tightly. From the way they both rocked, it was clear she didn’t expect it. This made him hold her just a bit tighter - an apology for all the times he might’ve scared her and for all the times he might’ve brushed her off. “Thank you,” he whispered, just for them. He didn’t know why his voice sounded so weird and why his throat felt so tight.

Xion’s voice sounded the same. “No problem, Rox.” 

Axel’s hand landed on his head and pressed down and he felt the same kind of protection that he felt from the crystal. 

Sometimes words didn’t need to be said. 

He hoped that Axel and Xion felt the same way he did about them. From how tightly Xion hugged him back, he figured they did. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading ;) check out my [cool KH blog](https://xiolette.tumblr.com/)


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